Pay attention to life...

To many life goes by blindly, and no-one really pays attention to their lives and what is happening to them. And perhaps this has been my fault in life, a kind of hyper-awareness to the fact that I am living life, and that there are lessons that we need to learn and without an awereness of this, one can be doomed to repeat their mistakes.

This blog, is dedicated to the woman who made who I am. When I was growing up I had a seriously antagonistic relationship with my mother…and let me be honest with my siblings as well. A more angst-filled child never existed, I remember hours spent hiding in the closet, sucking on my fingers contemplating life and what it meant. My earliest memory is of me walking around my family’s seat in Waterval in the Northwest, feeling completely abandoned, so heartbroken and alone. It is a very dark memory that haunts me to this day. I must have been around four or five years old, and I just have no idea why I would have felt that way. Church was a deeply felt event, where the lyrics to the hymns moved me to ecstasy, and every year I wondered why humanity was the way it was and they acted they way they did, and why we just felt so helpless about being human and allowed ourselves to be so evil towards each other and do the horrible things that we did.

It was the hours I spent alone contemplating who I was and what I had done that solidified this aspect of my personality, hours that I have my mother Seipati. H. Mothoagae to thank for. It was her who after a spate of deep naughtiness would banish me to my room to go and think about what I had done, and whether that served me.

This blog is dedicated to these musings, and what I have learned about life, love and spirituality. If you wonder about the same, and are as given to introspection as I am, then this should prove interesting for you. If you are interested in the musings and the viewpoints of other, no matter how strange, than this is the blog for you. This is about what I think, what I have come to accept as true of life, the world, humanity and spirituality.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Life is a journey to becoming...

Life is a journey to becoming who we really are. Sometimes we realise that right from the beginning, sometimes it takes us a while to even recognise that that is what we are doing. Becoming who we really are.

And yet, there are others of us who think life is about glorifying our faults and lauding them over others as the excuses for why we behave so hatefully. We cling to our shyness, or our arrogance, or our insanity, or our fear because we think that that is who we are. How can that be who you are? Yes, your flaws are what make you who you are, but not the negative ones that cut you off from others, or the ones that offend others. Remember that we release our own blessings when we bless others with joy in our presence.

But, in our journey to becoming we the seek the reflection of who we are. And so we do things repeatedly hoping that someone will notice it. Recognition and acknowledgment is what drives us all...drives us so hard that sometimes we make terrible errors in judgment. So watch your ego, and your need to be praised as "the one who surpasses all others". Watch that this need does not become desperation. Because when it becomes desperation then you and your soul become easy prey to the hyenas of this world. Ayanda Halimana said to me once that every side is recruiting. And you are equally attractive to both sides - good and evil. Desperation makes you vulnerable, because you want someone to come to you and say you are great, you are the chosen one, you are the one we have been waiting for, you are the only one who can speak the truth.

So come right with yourself and God. Know yourself and your weaknesses so that you know when someone is pressing on those. Be aware that a massive battle is afoot and some of us are foot soldiers, others generals...but, we are all important. But, because we are all sleeping through our arrogance and ego seeking acknowledgment and praise, we are failing to see the dark side prepare for battle. Ego is the most dangerous force on God's earth. In God's universe. It is what caused the fall of Lucifer. Ego. The need to be praised and called chosen and special, the one without whom it - whatever "it" is to you - cannot be realized.

Why do you look outside yourself for praise? Why do you look beyond God for acknowledgment? Why do you make what others say about you so important? People will talk, and they will say what they must being who they are...That's how they see life. They cannot help it unless they try, and if they won't try why does it have to matter to you. How they see you doesn't have to define you. You define you. You choose everyday...every moment of everyday...with every action, every word and every thought about yourself and the world you define you. So, choose who you are.

Be humble enough to allow others their faults, because these faults are what makes them special. Your faults are what make you special. Don't cling to the ones that destroy your life, and praise yourself for the flaws that make others fear, loathe and avoid you. The purpose of you realising some of your flaws is to overcome you so that you can become who you are really meant to be.

Life is a journey to becoming who you really are. This is why you change the more you learn. But, with everything you learn, understand why you need to learn that lesson, so that you can understand what it is you are supposed to release and let go of in order to become more of who you are supposed to be.

But, in all this just know who you are in God's eyes. He made you, he knows you, he knows who you really are...and when you forget just ask God to help you re-member who just you are. Even when we think we know, he knows better for he really sees you.

Just always know that you are God's special child, that he will never forsake you. And that no matter what, you can find your way back to him if you really repent and repeal all the evil thoughts, actions and manners that you have adopted. He knows above all others that you are good, that you are important, that you are truly special.

No matter what they say: You are special.

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