Life is a journey to becoming...

Life is a journey to becoming who we really are. Sometimes we realise that right from the beginning, sometimes it takes us a while to even recognise that that is what we are doing. Becoming who we really are.

And yet, there are others of us who think life is about glorifying our faults and lauding them over others as the excuses for why we behave so hatefully. We cling to our shyness, or our arrogance, or our insanity, or our fear because we think that that is who we are. How can that be who you are? Yes, your flaws are what make you who you are, but not the negative ones that cut you off from others, or the ones that offend others. Remember that we release our own blessings when we bless others with joy in our presence.

But, in our journey to becoming we the seek the reflection of who we are. And so we do things repeatedly hoping that someone will notice it. Recognition and acknowledgment is what drives us all...drives us so hard that sometimes we make terrible errors in judgment. So watch your ego, and your need to be praised as "the one who surpasses all others". Watch that this need does not become desperation. Because when it becomes desperation then you and your soul become easy prey to the hyenas of this world. Ayanda Halimana said to me once that every side is recruiting. And you are equally attractive to both sides - good and evil. Desperation makes you vulnerable, because you want someone to come to you and say you are great, you are the chosen one, you are the one we have been waiting for, you are the only one who can speak the truth.

So come right with yourself and God. Know yourself and your weaknesses so that you know when someone is pressing on those. Be aware that a massive battle is afoot and some of us are foot soldiers, others generals...but, we are all important. But, because we are all sleeping through our arrogance and ego seeking acknowledgment and praise, we are failing to see the dark side prepare for battle. Ego is the most dangerous force on God's earth. In God's universe. It is what caused the fall of Lucifer. Ego. The need to be praised and called chosen and special, the one without whom it - whatever "it" is to you - cannot be realized.

Why do you look outside yourself for praise? Why do you look beyond God for acknowledgment? Why do you make what others say about you so important? People will talk, and they will say what they must being who they are...That's how they see life. They cannot help it unless they try, and if they won't try why does it have to matter to you. How they see you doesn't have to define you. You define you. You choose everyday...every moment of everyday...with every action, every word and every thought about yourself and the world you define you. So, choose who you are.

Be humble enough to allow others their faults, because these faults are what makes them special. Your faults are what make you special. Don't cling to the ones that destroy your life, and praise yourself for the flaws that make others fear, loathe and avoid you. The purpose of you realising some of your flaws is to overcome you so that you can become who you are really meant to be.

Life is a journey to becoming who you really are. This is why you change the more you learn. But, with everything you learn, understand why you need to learn that lesson, so that you can understand what it is you are supposed to release and let go of in order to become more of who you are supposed to be.

But, in all this just know who you are in God's eyes. He made you, he knows you, he knows who you really are...and when you forget just ask God to help you re-member who just you are. Even when we think we know, he knows better for he really sees you.

Just always know that you are God's special child, that he will never forsake you. And that no matter what, you can find your way back to him if you really repent and repeal all the evil thoughts, actions and manners that you have adopted. He knows above all others that you are good, that you are important, that you are truly special.

No matter what they say: You are special.

The need to be all things

I've just come to the realisation that i need to be all things - the hero, the mother, the counselor, the best friend, the loved daughter, the most valued employee. And that this need to be all things is tripping me up, because then i am failing to recognise what is really important and what i need to be doing.

It may be a warning to you my friends that sometimes it isn't important to be all things, but to excel at what you are supposed to be. And therefore the key is in finding out who and what you are supposed to be.

This realisation came because I've just come through a very difficult week where i realised that i am always being courted. And that i have come to loathe this courtship dance. I no longer want to be courted, and i pray that God will just keep away from me all these people who keep courting me. But, i guess the reason for this endless courting is that i want to be right. I needed God to step up for me and say - this is my child, and i have sanctioned her actions. And so these people see my need to belong to the righteous, some are good some are evil, but all want me for their side. And i am just not sure that i want to belong to any side as every side is self-righteous and i have come to loathe self-righteousness - even my own.

but, it is this desire to be right, this burning need to be sanctioned by God that led me to what occurred this last week. And i am not pleased, as once again i was left with egg on my face. And i wonder still - what now? I need some time for introspection and readjustment and i pray that God will be with me as i come to release this need. Because in this world where evil is on the rise and is out courting this ache to be God's special child is dangerous.

And this is a warning to all those servants of the darkness - i will not be conquered or won by you. God is still on my side, and i am vigilant. I hope you my friends are also vigilant because the dark side is rising and we need to be really sure that the side we have chosen is the right one. So, be blessed with the light of the self-knowledge to discern what is good and what is evil.

Be safe.