Pay attention to life...

To many life goes by blindly, and no-one really pays attention to their lives and what is happening to them. And perhaps this has been my fault in life, a kind of hyper-awareness to the fact that I am living life, and that there are lessons that we need to learn and without an awereness of this, one can be doomed to repeat their mistakes.

This blog, is dedicated to the woman who made who I am. When I was growing up I had a seriously antagonistic relationship with my mother…and let me be honest with my siblings as well. A more angst-filled child never existed, I remember hours spent hiding in the closet, sucking on my fingers contemplating life and what it meant. My earliest memory is of me walking around my family’s seat in Waterval in the Northwest, feeling completely abandoned, so heartbroken and alone. It is a very dark memory that haunts me to this day. I must have been around four or five years old, and I just have no idea why I would have felt that way. Church was a deeply felt event, where the lyrics to the hymns moved me to ecstasy, and every year I wondered why humanity was the way it was and they acted they way they did, and why we just felt so helpless about being human and allowed ourselves to be so evil towards each other and do the horrible things that we did.

It was the hours I spent alone contemplating who I was and what I had done that solidified this aspect of my personality, hours that I have my mother Seipati. H. Mothoagae to thank for. It was her who after a spate of deep naughtiness would banish me to my room to go and think about what I had done, and whether that served me.

This blog is dedicated to these musings, and what I have learned about life, love and spirituality. If you wonder about the same, and are as given to introspection as I am, then this should prove interesting for you. If you are interested in the musings and the viewpoints of other, no matter how strange, than this is the blog for you. This is about what I think, what I have come to accept as true of life, the world, humanity and spirituality.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Why are you doing it?

There's been a lot of why's in my life these days. Like, a lot!

I've recently decided to start posting again on this blog and on social media. It's interesting for me to start posting the things that I have learned, the thoughts that I think are profound, because of how I see myself in the world. I always think - someone will say it... someone will do it... this is important and of course someone will say it.... of course someone will ensure it gets done. And you know what, surprisingly for me - no-one does. And I do search for those who say and do these things that I think are vital for our progress as human beings to becoming who we really are.

A friend of mine that I loved and still love, accused me of being selfish with myself. My sisters also told me that I am selfish to think that I can just exit in my little corner, and to think that I won't be missed. I guess it's part and parcel of working in the harsh industry that I work in, where you are constantly told you are replaceable. But, you know what? You are not replaceable. Don't let them tell you you are because you are not replaceable. God has gifted you with the heart he has, the soul he has, and the eyes he has so that you can bring and shine that special light of who you are into the world. Yes, of course they can find someone else to do the job, of course they can. But, they will never find another you.

I keep wondering why I am posting all these things I am posting. Because I have the habit of sermonising - lol! I do tend to try to build with all that I say and do, be a builder, be a lover, and be the change that I want to see. And you know, people post the most amazing things on social media. Things that at your darkest or lowest, you come across and you feel reassured, and blessed, and hopeful again, because somehow what they have posted speaks to the core of your being and your situations.

I have started posting again, and I cannot help but wonder why I suddenly feel the need to start this discourse again. Because, sometimes your own personal journey allows you such deep and profound realisation that they change how you view the world. I have had to many of those recently. And to tell the truth, I do not choose to be selfish about them anymore.

I am choosing to share, with the hope that whoever reads these posts will be deeply comforted. Because the truths of life are not meant to be whispered in the darkness, they are meant to be screamed from the mountain tops so that whomsoever has ears can hear and be moved.
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